Above, Linda Arroyo of Interface speaks to parents at Wednesday night’s bullying forum.

On the evening of Wednesday, March 30, 2011 Fillmore Unified School District hosted a Parent Forum with a focus on Bullying. Fewer than thirty parents attended the event, which was held in Sespe Elementary School cafeteria. This event comes just a few days after state lawmakers passed a resolution marking March “Bullying Prevention Month.” Bullying has garnered national attention due to recent suicides attributed to the effects of bullying. Speakers at the forum included Linda Arroyo, a mental health therapist with the Camarillo organization ‘Interface Children and Family Services’, Rhonda Reyes Deutsch counselor at Fillmore Middle School, Deputy Leo Vazquez the School Resource Officer for FUSD, Carol Berringer Director of After School Program/Student Services for FUSD and Fillmore High School principal John Wilbur. Reyes-Deutsch reported “Every day in the U.S. an estimated 150,000 kids miss school due to fear or intimidation [from] bullying.”

Arroyo began the forum by introducing a program operated by Interface, called “Triple P” standing for Positive Parenting Programs. Arroyo explained that this program “support[s] you in your role as a parent.” Some of the issues they help parents with include tantrums, lying, talking back and even motivation for getting homework done. The 8 to 10 week program is available at no charge to all families within FUSD schools. Interested parents or guardians can contact their principal for a referral to the program.

What is bullying and cyberbullying? Arroyo defined bullying as “verbal, physical, gestures, extortion or exclusion.” Nearly any action directed at a student that negatively affects their self-esteem and ability to learn meets the definition of bullying. It’s important to note that the on going and lasting effect on the victim and not necessarily on the intention of the person doing the bullying determines whether or not the act meets this definition. Berringer explained that while one argument over a ball may not be bullying, it can potentially lead to bullying if it the effects are carried over several days, resulting in exclusion, or on-going disputes. Bullying can occur at school, on sports teams, in any social situation. Adults and students alike can engage in bullying. In the past bullying was considered just a normal part of school and growing up, now there are laws that make bullying illegal and schools liable if they don’t respond to complaints. Arroyo stated that some situations which may cause a child to become a bully can include “[not knowing] how to express themselves in words, they have not learned coping skills.” Situations at a child’s home can also cause that child to feel powerless and “bad about themselves” leading them to act out and bully other children “so they can feel…more powerful.” Reyes-Deutsch reported, “Bullying is definitely something we have in our schools.” Her role as counselor includes meeting with students and families dealing with the effects of bullying and working to stop and prevent it. Wilbur reported that a majority of the bullying occurs in middle school and in the 9th grade. Cyber-bullying: Reyes-Deutsch reports “80% of 12 to 14 year olds [nationwide] have been cyber-bullied.” While traditional bullying usually consists of physical or verbal actions, which surely cause emotional stress, cyber-bullying, because of its vast reach and scope can potentially cause much greater emotional harm. The cases in national headlines were the result of cyber-bullying. Bullying can occur through text messaging, phone calls, email, social media sites (Facebook, Myspace), chat rooms, digital photos, and video. Not only can it occur on computers, but many students today have smart phones with them at all times, opening them up to receive or send potentially harassing messages throughout their day. The Internet is always on. The world of online social networking is always awake and students who have unrestricted and unlimited access can both cause and receive limitless acts of bullying making what may seem like one act turn into an ongoing constant stream of harassment spreading throughout the student population. For the person doing the bullying the tool of cyberspace can feel like a shroud on anonymity. Separating the perpetrator from the act. Reyes-Deutsch reported that Facebook currently appears to be the most popular networking site among students, but many parents do not know that you must be 13 to have a page on Facebook. She reports that many 11 and 12 year olds are currently active on this site and in violation of the networks rules. She informed parents that network savvy kids may create a page that their parents know about in addition to a second or even third page unbeknownst to parents, and against the networks rules (as only one identity is allowed). Digitally enhanced or altered photographs can also be used as a bullying tactic as well as creating website or network pages under the name of the targeted student.

How to tell if your child is being bullied? Arroyo encouraged parents to be aware of the effects of bullying and watch their child for new behaviors such as “[changes] in self esteem, [feeling] embarrassed, they [may] experience fear…[victims of bullying can] become physically ill, maybe having stomach pains in the morning…sleep problems or nightmares, maybe they start to bed wet.” Children who are victims of bullying may suddenly become shy around other children or have trouble expressing their thoughts, “even start to put themselves down.” A child may suddenly start to avoid school or the environment where bullying is taking place or begin to do poorly in school, “they [may appear] to be a different child.” As a means to both recognize and catch a bullying situation early parents are encouraged to “talk to your child [every day], [ask them] How did your day go? … Did anything scary happen? What was the best part of your day?” Preventing Cyber-bullying: Reyes-Deutsch suggests talking about cyber-bullying to our child. Make sure they know what it is and that it is illegal. Consequences can include suspension, expulsion, arrest and conviction of a misdemeanor. Reyes-Deutsch and Vazquez both emphasized that parents need to know what their child is doing online, on their phones, on their computers and “set clear rules” regarding their use. Parents who don’t know how to check the history on these devices can ask for help at their school or call their service provider. Parents can place restrictions and limitations on electronic devices. Many devices have options for parents to restrict access to certain sites and block unwanted numbers. Vazquez also recommends not answering calls from unknown or blocked numbers. Service providers can help customers learn more about restricting Internet access and blocking unlisted numbers from calling.

What parents can do: All parents are encouraged to be familiar with the schools policy on bullying. Whether your child is a victim of bullying or the one doing the bullying being familiar with the policy can help you navigate the process and get support. Arroyo emphasized that a bullying situation “definitely needs an adults assistance… everyone needs to get involved.” She also emphasized the importance of parents “being connected to your school” in both preventing and stopping any bullying that is taking place. Listen, Validate, Report: If you believe that your child is being bullied “[do not] ignore it” and “take action immediately… investigate” instructs Arroyo. Listen: Listening to the child with a calm and interested manner can help that child express their feelings and feel heard and cared for. Asking the child how they felt about the bullying and what they did and “How they handled it?” Encouraging them to talk about the incident in detail is helpful for their emotions and aids in reporting the incident to the school. Arroyo reminded parents about the importance of staying calm even in the face of wanting to protect your child. How parents react and “handle it...gives them a clue on how to react.” Validate: Parents should then summarize back to the child what was heard, and validate what the child is experiencing and “that there is a problem.” Then involve the child in the process by asking them “What do you think we should do?” This listening process reinforces to the child that they have been heard and helps them feel safe. Report: Parents are asked to report all suspected and confirmed incidents of bullying to the school. Wilbur reminded parents that principals want to hear from parents on this issue and it is the principal’s job to take the necessary steps in order to ensure all students feel safe at school. A school must have evidence to take action, but a report can be filed without evidence. Families should gather as much information about the incidents as possible, such as time, location, who was involved etc. Reyes-Deutsch emphasized the importance of reporting bullying to school even when it happens off campus. She informed parents “If cyber bullying occurs off campus, school officials can impose discipline only if they can prove the conduct caused a substantial disruption at school” A disruption includes a student not wanting to attend school. In some cases bullying can be a misdemeanor and result in legal action being taken by the District Attorneys office. If any threat of physical harm is made families are encouraged to report it to the police. Vazquez emphasized, “The most important thing is to look at what your kids are doing, check phones…[photos, videos].” He explained that students frequently video or photograph the incidents of bullying and fighting. He explained that penal codes making cyber-bullying illegal apply to all electronic transmissions including email, text and postings on websites. “Don’t erase the messages, they are evidence.” Vazquez instructed. Responding to a question from a parent in attendance he said that even if you don’t have evidence to file a report as it begins to set up a record. Vazquez reminds parents that someone who responds to a harassing electronic message with harassing language is then also committing a crime. He encourages parents to talk with kids about how to respond with language or actions that do not incriminate the original victim of the act of bullying. Examples he gave are statements such as “Stop calling me. I don’t want to talk to you. Leave me alone.” Vasquez wants students and parents to know that investigators have ways of learning who has created anonymous sites and identities, even the source of a blocked phone number. In addition Reyes-Deutsch informed parents that school administrators have corporate contact numbers for Facebook and other sites and are able to report incidents. Again parents are encouraged to collect information, retain evidence and report to the school.

What the schools are doing: The State mandates schools to have bullying prevention programs in place, FUSD Special Projects Coordinator Kristin Lairson reported that any “entitlements [or funding from the State] …ended last year.” This effectively increases the importance of parents’ involvement in the issue of bullying. Berringer began by reminding parents that while the schools can provide suggestions to help “ultimately you’re the ones who need to [take action].” And that those actions taken at home can “protect your child more than anything else anyone else can do.” Programs are in place at each elementary school to educate children about what bullying is, and to “develop a common language”. These programs include Soul shop, Character Counts, Lesson I and Peacebuilders. They seek to teach kids respect for others, and “emphasize how they should behave when in peer groups.” Students learn strategies to identify what bullying is, to deal with bullies in a non-violent way, and help friends who are being bullied. Berringer reports that FUSD has new programs involving staff training that will take place in the near future. Wilbur reported that the Middle school and High School utilize a “no contact contract” as well.

For the High School, Wilbur indicated that his most important request of parents is “[Don’t] Wait.” Report all incidents immediately. Berringer joined this sentiment; it is “critical that you let someone as school site know”. Bullies can become empowered, and involve more students if it is allowed to go on. Parents were reminded that they are the primary role models for their children and that suggesting victims of bullying to fight back is generally discouraged. There are ways of standing up to bullies that do not include violence or harassing language. Parents and adults who model the bullying behavior can perpetuate it in kids. A parent in attendance told a story about a teacher in the past that she felt was bullying her child and another parent indicated that currently a “yard duty [staff member]” bullies students on campus. Wilbur responded that the principal of that site is the supervisor of the staff and that parents need to report those incidents. Districts are bound by employment contracts, and must follow a procedure when complaints against staff are issued. Even though schools have a legal responsibility to respond to bullying they cannot act if they are not aware of the issue. Bullying is an issue at our schools, Wilbur stated “We deal with it every day” and it can have lasting and strong impacts on students as they grow into adults. While FUSD does have a zero tolerance policy regarding bullying, the district is required to follow a process in order to suspend or expel a student and law enforcement must also follow the law. This is why prompt reporting is vital. This is an issue where parents must become pro-active partners with school officials in order to prevent and stop bullying.