Truths For Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be"

Marcel Pagnol

The Budweiser Story
(not a joke,but it made me smile)

How Budweiser handled those who laughed at those
who died on the 11th of September,2001
Thought you might like to know what happened in a little town north of Bakersfield , California
After you finish reading this, please forward this story on to others so that our nation and people around the world will know about those who laughed when they found out about the tragic events in New York , Pennsylvania , and the Pentagon. On September 11th, A Budweiser employee was making a delivery
to a convenience store in a California town named McFarland. He knew of the tragedy that had occurred
in New York when he entered the business to find the two Arabs, who owned the business, whooping and hollering to show their approval and support of this treacherous attack. The Budweiser employee went to his truck, called his boss and told him of the very upsetting event! He didn't feel he could be in that store with those horrible people. His boss asked him, “Do you think you could go in there long enough
to pull every Budweiser product and item our beverage company sells there? We'll never deliver to them again.”
The employee walked in, proceeded to pull every single product his beverage company provided and left
with an incredible grin on his face.
He told them never to bother to call for a delivery again.
Budweiser happens to be the beer of choice for that community.
Just letting you know how Kern County handled this situation. And Now

The Rest Of The Story:
It seems that the Bud driver and the Pepsi man are neighbors. Bud called Pepsi and told him. Pepsi called his boss who told him to pull all Pepsi products as well!!! That would include Frito Lay, etc.
Furthermore, word spread and all vendors followed suit! At last report, on June 26, 2009,
Fareed Katib closed the store and filed bankruptcy!
Good old American Passive-Aggressive A$$ Whoopin!
Pass this along, America needs to know that we're all working together!
If you can read this.
Thank a teacher...
If you are reading it in English....
THANK A SOLDIER!!!

"Remember When". Just a few months ago, a "surprise" decision was reached by some very confused Nobel Peace Prize officials, as they announced that President Barack Hussein Obama, was nominated to receive the 1999 Nobel Peace Prize. The decision-makers, resplendent and proud of their decision on Obama, could not forecast the (Obama's) immediate future, but could, on his (lack of) past experience and then world-interface of Obama. So, as it went, in other Premature Awards Presented, high school football player, Gilbert Webber has been named this year's Heismann Trophy winner; fifth-grader Dawn Kaufmann has been named Miss America; and eight-year old Johnny McDougall has been named People's "Sexiest man Alive".